Been a Long Time....

Well, it's been quite awhile since I've updated this blog of mine. Little Man is now OVER 18 months old....Think I will do a 19 month letter, because, well, I'll just be different (and I totally missed the 18 month mark)! So it is coming...in just a little over a week. Cannot even believe it.

But today - I just had to write about how God is knocking my socks off. I have been participating in my first "official" Beth Moore Bible study with some fabulous women at my church. It is called "Stepping Up" and has been a study on the Psalms of Ascent. Check it out because it is amazing.

But I had to write about today in particular. Because God spoke to me today in a way I have never heard Him speak to me before. I felt like today's lesson was tailor made for ME.

This coming weekend is my 10 year college reunion. I am excited about it. I am looking forward to seeing my friends and catching up with some folks I haven't seen in a long time. But this weekend also brings a bit of tension, for lack of better word. I will be seeing my ex and his wife for the first time in about 7 or 8 years. My senior year of college wasn't my stellar year....It doesn't rank up there in my best memories. There was a lot of hurt, a lot of questioning, a lot of disappointment. No need to go into all the details. Suffice it to say my heart was broken by two people I cared for deeply, and I will be face to face with those people this weekend for the first time in a long time.

I struggled naming what I was feeling about this weekend. I am certainly way over what happened 10 years ago. I am married to an incredible man who loves me more than I deserve. I have a precious son who is the light of my life. I have grown and matured in ways I cannot explain. I am in a GOOD place. So, why was I so anxious about the upcoming weekend and seeing these two people who used to be such a huge part of my life?? It wasn't hurt, it wasn't fear, it wasn't resentment..... And it finally came to me.... My anxiety was simply stemming from the fact that I was putting my focus on something other than GOD. I was putting my focus on my "place in life," my weight, my insecurities.

God spoke to me this morning through my best friend Jen and Beth Moore. Jen reminded me that it isn't my weight that matters. It isn't about my looks - it is about my spirit. And Beth - well, she reminded me that my road that got me to where I am included my senior year of college for a very specific and God ordained reason. PRAISE THE LORD! I know it sounds elementary. I know it doesn't sound like a huge lightning bolt. But what I realized was that I shouldn't be anxious - I should be grateful. What an amazing journey I have had to lead me to this point 10 years later. What a blessing those tears bestowed on my life. I am where God knew I would be 10 years down the road, and it is good. It is very, very good.

And my life isn't about what anyone else thinks. My life is about my Savior...and my Savior isn't my husband, my child, my friends...... My Savior is Jesus and my life is about bringing glory to HIM. Who cares what I look like? Who cares what I've been through? Who cares about the "stuff" of life? What matters is that I do everything for His glory. Right now, my calling is to be a mom, a wife, and a photographer that seeks to bring Him glory in every interaction I have. And you know what?? One of those interactions is going to happen this weekend, and I am praying fervently that it will GLORIFY Him and that I will be faithful in my current situation.

So, I know that is a bit of a ramble for a first post in a long time. But I'm hoping to come here more often...to take some more time to reflect and share on here. So I guess this was a good place to start!!!

Next time it will be a bit lighter, and will have a picture of my cute little man included!!!